The saga continues...
I am sitting here alone, in my living room. All the kids are asleep and Lloyd is at work again even though he already worked a shift today. I am beginning to despise my work place. And most of the time I feel that I am second or third or fourth on Lloyd's list of priorities. And than I think, what number is he on mine? I am hopefully on a journey of self discovery to find my new, true self again. That girl that I used to be, before marriage and 3 children. Where did that girl go? I know that every woman changes when they get married and have children, but why do some of us change so much, and not necessarily for the better? This is what I need to discover...the reasons behind this drastic change, and then to take action and fix it, quickly, because I cannot live this way forever.  And i don't want Lloyd or my kids to live this way either. Action. Actions must be taken, but which ones and how? I do know my 1st one needs to be time spent w/ God. It has been too long. I am embarrassed to admit just how long. But a long time. And i know better too.
So onward I go, not feeling 100% committed but knowing that I should be. My emotions are still so out of whack from pregnancy and nursing. I cant wait to feel "normal" again, but how long will that be? God only knows! I am trying to not get too frustrated. But I feel so very alone, even in a house of 5 people. I will be the first one to admit that I am very lonely. And i can guarantee my husband has no idea. He likes to be alone so he doesn't get it and it doesn't ever cross his mind that someone can feel lonely in a house full of people.
AGHHH, I need to go before i get carried away in a pity party! I am exhausted in more ways than one and really need to rest (in more ways than one). Good night to all.